Happy New Year!

Who in their right mind would ever consider starting a weight loss program just before the holidays?! Uh, not me? Okay yes. Yes, I did. I actually made my first foray into this particular program just three days before Halloween. I had somehow convinced myself that if I started before the holidays I would be that much farther ahead. My weight at that time was 205 lbs and in the first week I lost 3.8 lbs. On November 10th I weighed 198 lbs-down seven pounds. Maybe that's when I started to feel a little too sure of myself and cocky. Or perhaps it was that success factor, because by November 17th I was up .02 pounds. Then Thanksgiving arrived and I had all kinds of built in excuses. It was just one day, what could that hurt? We deserved to go out with family, after all we only got to see them a couple of times a year. It's just one or two drinks, what can it hurt? Give me an inch and I'll take a mile. Or should my saying be, "Give me an ounce and I'll take several pounds."

Does it surprise anyone that I didn't see my dr. for about six weeks after my last weigh-in? I definitely didn't want to see the results of my decisions. I didn't want to face what I knew was coming. Perhaps I thought I could rebound on my own and be right back where I left off by the time I saw her again. Most likely it was just denial. I was raised on denial and knew how to use it to its full potential. I'd had many years to perfect it. Regardless of why I waited to see her, I eventually went. For once my overwhelming desire to be slim and healthy beat out my desire to eat anything and everything I wanted.

Too many years of deprivation combined with many more years of being able to eat what I wanted had wreaked havoc on my mind and my body. I guess I'd been trying to make up for lost time for so long that I didn't know how to stop. A little insight...My parents divorced when I was seven years old. After that my mom moved us to live with her 1/2 brother. After we moved to Washington State my life changed. Our family grew from three to six children. I went from having a somewhat stable life to a life that was constantly in turmoil. My mom wasn't working at the time and my uncle lost his job after he became very ill. For a while we all moved into my grandparents house. By then my oldest cousin had moved to Idaho to live with family, reducing our number by one. Unfortunately there were still 11 people living in that house. My grandparents took care of my adult, developmentally delayed aunt as well as my maternal great-grandmother. I can't even remember where we all slept! Along with a very crowded house came the embarrassment of school. I never had the right clothes, we received free lunches and I could never do any extra-curricular activities that cost any money. I remember my fifth grade teacher, Mr. Norman, wanted me to play basketball after school but my mom wouldn't let me. She'd have to pick me up after practice and games. We didn't even own a car at that time! Mr. Norman felt bad for me I think, because he would let me stay after school playing the computer game "Oregon Trail" and then he'd drop me off at my house on his way home. I don't think my food issues had really begun by then. My grandma tried to make sure that we had breakfast before we walked to school and everyone in class used the same type of ticket for hot lunch, so I wasn't as embarrassed to use them. My grandma also made dinner every night. We didn't sit at the table to eat though. We all sat where ever we could find a place and watched the evening news. My grandpa always watched the evening news at dinner. I wonder if that is when my unaware eating began? You know, you're watching TV or reading and have no idea that you just inhaled your entire plate of food, then you go back for more because you don't really recall eating it? I actually do that often, and therefore never get that feeling of satisfaction. I eat until I'm full, many times too full.

I now need to start to become aware of when I am satisfied and not full. I also need to pay attention to what I'm eating while I'm eating it. No more watching TV when I eat lunch. No more reading during a snack. Over the past three days I've been practicing. Believe it or not, it's a habit that is not easily broken. I'm doing it though. I've noticed a few things...I taste my food more, I take longer to eat and instead of feeling full I feel satisfied.

Something I've noticed that I am not a fan of is feeling hungry every couple of hours. I find it hard to reconcile eating more with feeling hungry. Often. In the past I could go all day and not eat. Sometime during the day I would have a brief moment of hunger but it would pass rather quickly, especially if I was too busy to stop what I was doing. So if by not eating I wasn't hungry, why would eating Make me hungry? I'm told this is perfectly normal. However, that doesn't mean I have to like it. Life was simpler when I didn't have this continual need to feed my body. Not a need to eat, but a need to feed my body. I'm discovering there is a diffence.

O My G! I am all over the topic board tonight. I actually began this post thinking how hard it is to be around food at the holidays. Today is New Year's. My loving husband and son have decided that for dinner tonight they would celebrate football with a smorgasbord of off-limits-to-me food. Pizza, chicken wings, chips and cheese and crackers just to name a few. And chocolate donuts. Don't forget the chocolate donuts. Ugh! I am happy to report, however, that I had an amazing day today. I've followed my plan completely...I ate every couple of hours, took my suppliments twice today, didn't eat anything I wasn't supposed to (despite how hard it was), got my seven servings of protein, drank all my water AND kept my carbs under 30! Go me!

Today I weighed in at 201.2 for a loss from yesterday of 2.2 pounds and a total loss of 4.8 pounds. I know this may seem too much too fast, but let me remind you that my doctor assures me that this is perfectly safe and to be expected. I've also been instructed that this rapid weight loss most likely will not continue past the second week. So, I officially have three days under my belt and I'm seeing the results of my committment. I'm also thinking this blog is helpful. It's nice that I have an outlet and an audience to stay accountable to.

I'm feeling good about tomorrow. I still need to design a plan for when I return to work though, so I'm officially assigning myself homework. When I return to blog tomorrow I will have a plan mapped out to share. Until then...