Day Two and Counting

This morning I woke up with a feeling of optimism. Sounds funny now. I'm optimistic after just one day? Yes I am. I've realized over my many attempts to lose weight that you should never toss achievement out the window, even if it does come after only one day.

In the beginning it's easy for me to have energy, will-power and initiative. In fact, for the most part the first week is a piece of cake. I'm excited and committed and feel like I could conquer the world. Then the weekend happens. The weekend and a plethora of excuses readily available for me. I give myself permission to have just one drink, go out to eat for one meal, have just a bite or two of something. Afterall, I have an entire week. What's a day or two going to hurt? I eventually convince myself that I can still meet my weight loss goal for the week...with only two days left. Once reality finally checks back in I decide that I should just start fresh. The next day. The cycle then starts all over again.

So, here I am on day two. My resolve firmly in place. Despite my husband sitting right next to me eating Doritos. Despite the amazing sandwich I can smell. Yes, I will be strong. Distraction goes a long way at this point. Big Bang Theory, Blog, Jello. Whatever works.

I have to wonder though, would I have so much self-control if we weren't spending New Year's Eve at home avoiding anything that even remotely resembled delicious food and alcohol? How am I going to do this? I can't sequester myself forever. I feel as if I've been okay these past two days because my day revolves around my plan. Making sure that I eat every two to three hours, taking my supplements, distracting myself, drinking my water. What do I do when I go back to work on Tuesday? My job is taking care of two children. I don't have time to focus on me.

I know! I should make a plan. Afterall, being prepared is one of the best defences, right? So now I just need to spend the next two days coming up with something workable. If I don't come up with a plan that I can follow with minimal effort it will most likely end up in the trash can. Along with a McDonald's wrapper.

As I sit here trying to figure out what to write I hear the fireworks start. They signal the beginning of a new year. A fresh start. I'd like to make a resolution but I'm afraid it will end up where all my others have...forgotten after two days. Perhaps I should be more honest. Not forgotten but avoided. I remember my resolution from the year 2002 - To lose weight and weigh 125 lbs before I turned 30. My resolution from the year 2007 - To lose 50 pounds by June for our anniversary trip to Ireland. My resolution from just last year, 2011 - To lose some weight just to be healthier. What is my resolution for this year? I'm not sure. I want to make a resolution that I'll actually keep. I do want to lose weight. I do want to weigh 125 lbs (or less). I do want to be healthier. Am I setting myself up for more failure if I resolve these things? Will making a resolution keep me on track and committed? Or will it have the opposite effect? Should I make more than one resolution? How many? Big, small, in-between? I know I don't want to be a failure yet again. So do I resolve to not fail? Is that even possible?

My resolutions for 2012: I resolve to stay true to myself. I resolve to give my weight loss journey sincere time and effort. I resolve to ask for help when it all seems too overwhelming. I resolve to be fair to myself. I resolve to not give up. What are your resolutions?

Here's how today shaped up...I drank all of my water, took my suppliments twice today, got eight servings of protein and only had 35 carbs. I know, I'm only supposed to have 30 grams of carbs. All things considered I'm still very pleased with myself. I ate every two to three hours like I was supposed to, but for some reason I was hungrier today. Just knowing that I didn't give in and "cheat" has been a real victory for me. My weight this morning was 203.4 lbs. At my weigh-in with my Dr. on Thursday I weighed 206 lbs. I've lost 2.6 lbs in the past two days. No, I'm not starving myself. I'm using a doctor supervised weight loss program. I know that I will see a considerable drop the first week mostly due to water weight. I know that my body most likely will not continue to release at the current rate for more than a couple of weeks. I also know that it is healthy to expect one to two pounds loss per week. After doing the math and allowing two pounds per week, I should be close to losing 44 lbs over the next 22 weeks. My mid-range goal date is June 1st. My husband and I will be in Las Vegas to celebrate our 20 year anniversary. My goal is to weigh right around 160 lbs. My long-range goal is to lose 85-90 lbs putting my goal weight between 115 and 120 lbs. According to my height and stature it is reasonalble for me to weigh between 111 and 135 lbs. I won't really know my final goal until I get much closer to an ideal weight. I'd like to believe that by this time next year I will be at my goal weight. I will have achieved my dream and become the beautiful "trophy wife" my loving husband deserves.

Wishing you all health, happiness and prosperity in the year to come. Happy 2012!

It starts with Me

Today is my first offical blog post despite the fact that I've had this blog since 2010. I had great intentions when I started it...they just didn't go anywhere after that initial frenzy of activity. I had an idea in my head of what I wanted to do and the benefits I could gain from it. I think I chickened out. Once it's out there, it's out there. No taking it back. You open yourself up to all kinds of criticism. Everything from using incorrect punctuation and making grammatical errors to the risk of being labeled as uninteresting. I hope that my venture into the world of blogging will be fair at the very least.

My first order of business should probably be to explain just what "The Potential Trophy Wife" means. No, it does not mean that I want to be a bobble-head twenty-something hanging on the arm of a rich man old enough to be my grandfather. Sorry to disappoint. When my husband and I were much younger he used to promise that once he had a really good paying job I wouldn't have to work anymore. When asked what I would do with my free time I used to tell him that I would lose weight and dress better. I would be his "trophy wife". My new job would be to look tanned, toned and Hot! I would be the woman he would be proud to introduce as his wife. Now this is very important. Do not ever assume that my husband is not proud to introduce me as his wife. Do not ever assume that he finds fault with me or my appearance. I am the one that finds fault with my appearance. I am the one that would like to be thinner, sexier, more confident. Therefore, today is the start of my journey to achieve my Trophy Wife status.

I've met with my doctor and have officially started a weight loss plan. My hope is that this blog will hold me accountable and provide an outlet for my fears as well as those moments when I find myself feeling weak and in need of distraction from food. I'd also like to try and work thru some traumatic childhood episodes and perhaps find a way to connect them to my current food and weight issues so that I can address them and try to overcome them.

Here comes one of the most difficult things for me to admit...my weight. When I was 15 years old I weighed 110 pounds. I was slim and cute. Unfortunately my family was very fond of telling me I had thunder thighs and a bubble butt. Heaven forbid I put on a pound or two. I would often hear from my grandmother that I was such a pretty girl but I wasn't going to catch a man if I didn't watch what I put in my mouth. Really? What I wouldn't give to be even close to that weight again! So here goes...I'm almost 39 years old, I'm 5' 2" tall and as of my weigh in this morning I currently weigh 204.2 pounds. Today went fairly well. I drank all of my water, ate every 2-3 hours like I was instructed and didn't stray from the plan. Not one morsel went into my mouth that wasn't allowed. I remembered to take all of my supplements today as well. Not just once but twice! Yay me! So I'm feeling pretty good about things right now.

My goal for this week: Stay on plan for a full seven days. If I can do this for a day I can do it for two. If I can do it for a week I can do it for two weeks. That's what I need to remember...one day at a time. One day at a time that will lead to one week at a time.